Eligible
by breezered
Summary: Who knew one Witch Weekly article could elicit such an active response from readers and victims alike? Oneshot.


"What the hell is this?"

James looked up from his lunch and saw an angry Lily Evans standing over him, waving around a copy of Witch Weekly.

"It looks to be a popular wizarding magazine for witches," He said, "What did you think it was?" Lily rolled her eyes in frustration and flipped to a page, shoving it in his face.

"Oh," James said bluntly. "That."

Smiling back at him was, well, himself. A two page photo of him grinning (in what he thought was a rather dashing manner) out of the magazine. Every now and then, Magazine James would wink. Across the top of the page were the words (in flashing red and gold) JAMES POTTER; WIZARDING BRITAIN'S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.

"Would you care to explain," Lily said through gritted teeth, "Why this article says most eligible BACHELOR', when I was under the impression that we have been dating for round about seven months?"

James furrowed his brow and glared at the offending article. "Mind if I read that before I try to explain?" He asked. Lily sighed and sat down beside him, glaring at a spot on the opposite wall.

The article went something like this...

* * *

_Sir James Thomas Potter, heir to the Potter estate, has been elected Wizarding Britain's most eligible bachelor! Not only is this dashing young wizard unimaginably rich, he is not lacking in looks. A fun-loving, Quidditch-playing seventh year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, James is known for his charming personality and undeniably attractive physical features. _

_"He's just a generally good guy," A fellow student of James' said, "[James] is funny and always up for a laugh, and he's always sticking up for people who need it."_

_A pureblooded wizard from an ancient, rich pureblooded family, with a talent for Quidditch and a love for fun, James is a great catch by anyone's standards. Although his choice in company is somewhat questionable, Sir James Potter is definitely worthy of the title of Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor of Wizarding Britain._

* * *

James shut the magazine and put it down on the table, running a hand through his hair.

"That was sickening," He said to Lily, who just looked at him with a look that sarcastically said 'You think?'. "I have no idea who would even give that quote!"

"Well, if we ever find out," Lily said, "You have my full permission to aid me in their untimely demise." James grinned cockily and scooted closer to his girlfriend.

"Evans," He said cheekily, still smirking, "Are you...jealous?" Lily just made a scoffing noise at this and turned her head away from him. James brushed her hair off of one side of her neck and kissed behind her ear. "You are so jealous."

"I'm not jealous," She said quietly. James kissed the side of her neck and murmured against her skin, "Sure you aren't, love?"

"Maybe a little," She admitted.

"Knew it," James whispered in her ear. "You're so possessive." Lily scooted away from him and stood up, her hands on her hips.

"Says the bloke who doesn't even let other boys speak to me - even first years!"

James's eyes widened and he stood up as well. "Well, I've only been after you since fourth year!" He laughed, "It's understandable that I'm somewhat protective!"

Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand. "Come on, Potter," She said, leading him out of the Great Hall, "Let's get some fresh March air." James leaned over, bent down, and kissed her cheek.

"Why are you so worked up about this?" He asked he as they exited the castle. "It's just a dumb article with an abnormally large picture of me winking and smiling and generally looking extremely dashing."

"It's the principal of the thing," She said, "If all of the eligible witches of Britain see this article, which they will, they'll be all over you. All the time, without even realizing that you have a girlfriend - me." They went and sat on a stone bench.

James put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close into his body. "It's a dumb article," He repeated, "Plus the writing is absolute rubbish - I'm 'fun-loving' and have a 'charming personality', apparently." Lily started snickering, and soon the pair of them were laughing uncontrollably.

"Well, isn't this touching," A snide voice said, cutting out their laughter. Mulciber, Regulus Black, Avery, and Snape were standing twenty feet away, their wands clearly visible in their hands. James rolled his eyes and drew his wand as a precaution.

"Is Britain's most eligible bachelor taking his pet mud blood out for a walk?" Avery sneered, looking around at his mates, who all laughed, albeit Regulus looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Actually, I'm trying to enjoy a warm afternoon with my girlfriend," James retorted, "Which I guess wouldn't make me eligible or a bachelor. Why, were you hoping to get a crack at me, Avery? I wasn't aware you read _Witch Weekly_, but who am I to judge." James turned back to Lily, but both of the Gryffindors kept an eye on the gang of Slytherins as James rested his forehead against Lily's.

"Aren't you afraid of catching something from it, Potter?" Mulciber called out.

James clenched his jaw. Lily put a hand on his cheek and muttered to him, "It's not worth it. Just let it go."

"I heard that Mudbloods can carry some of the most dangerous diseases," Mulciber said, "But I suppose if you take them in for their weekly shots..." The Slytherins all laughed at this.

"Don't," Lily warned James, "Just ignore them." James itched to turn his wand on the Slytherins and hex them all to hell and back.

"I suppose you just keep it around because it's so obedient," Avery mused, "I suppose you need an outlet at the end of the day. A Mudblood whore isn't the classiest way, but-"

"Stupefy!" James yelled standing up quickly. Mulciber started to yell a curse, but from behind James, Lily cast a blasting charm that knocked the four Slytherins back another thirty feet.

James stared, surprised, at his girlfriend.

"Shall we head back inside?" She asked casually, storing away her wand.

"I love you," James said, smiling widely at her. He grabbed her around the waist and kissed her passionately in a courtyard in March, with a few unconscious Slytherins in one corner.

Lily laughed breathlessly as they pulled away. "Let's go, Britain's most ineligible boyfriend of mine."

James took her hand, and as they walked Ito the castle, he turned to her and asked, "So, you were terribly jealous, right?"

"Sure," Lily said, laughing.

"And you're going to put up that picture of me on your wall and stare at it every night?"

"Actually, I was going to leave that to Sirius."

"Touché, Evans."


End file.
